


Inside Your Mind

by aliceinreverselondon



Series: Kakashi Hatake stuff [1]
Category: Naruto
Genre: F/M, he deserves all the love, i love this idiot
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-17
Updated: 2020-10-22
Packaged: 2021-03-09 03:08:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,478
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27067657
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aliceinreverselondon/pseuds/aliceinreverselondon
Summary: Love is strange, complicated and often ill-timed: when you're ready, he's not, and when he's ready, you're not. But you've been inside his mind and know perfectly well how he truly feels about you. Maybe one day the timing will be right.
Relationships: Hatake Kakashi/Original Female Character(s), Hatake Kakashi/Reader
Series: Kakashi Hatake stuff [1]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1975531
Comments: 5
Kudos: 31





	1. Inside Your Mind

**Author's Note:**

> You can also find me on Tumblr: @aliceinreverselondon.

This wasn’t the first time you entered someone’s mind so by now you knew these places usually looked quite similar. Even ruthless criminals had at least a few rooms that looked brighter than the rest, ones that were filled with good memories. But Kakashi’s mind was different: it was dark, depressing and you could barely shake off the suffocating feeling of anxiety that filled the air. It wasn’t Rin’s death alone that made it look this way, though. It was… everything he had gone through in his life so far.

It took a while until you finally found a door that was different. “ _So he does have at least one happy memory after all,_ ” you thought as you breathed a sigh of relief. Although you were there to take care of something else, you still felt the urge to peek inside and see what this certain memory was. He probably wouldn’t even notice if you took a quick look inside the room, but the information you would get this way could be really valuable later.

But before you could reach the handle of the door, someone grabbed your wrist to stop you. “Please, don't go in there.”

“I was wondering when you'd show up,” you told Kakashi once you turned to look at him. “Why shouldn't I, though? Everything looks so... dark and lonely here. This seems to be the only happy room.”

He let out a long, thoughtful hum as his hand rubbed his chin over the mask. “Maybe it is,” he admitted eventually with a small nod. “Either way, I'd like you to focus on why you came here.”

“But you look so depressed all the time, and you tend to shut everyone out. If this room can help me figure out how to make you feel better—”

“No need.”

Why did he have to be so damn stubborn all the time? There were nights when he couldn’t sleep because of his nightmares, and whenever this happened, he visited you to try to get them out of his head and at least have some company so he wouldn’t be alone with his thoughts. But no matter how many times you asked him about them or what you should do to help, he always ignored it. “Please, don’t do this again. Don’t shut me out and let me help!”

This time it seemed to work. But maybe it only worked because you weren’t talking to the real Kakashi, only the version that guarded his mind. Letting out a sigh, he nodded. “Fine.”

When you opened the door, you found yourself in a completely different environment. In fact, it all looked very familiar. Was it a place you’d visited before? But then you caught a glimpse of a young girl running out of a room, followed by a boy who looked really annoyed for some reason. Then you noticed a forehead protector in the girl’s hand and realized why it was so familiar. “Are they–”

“Yes, they’re us, but a long time ago,” Kakashi replied without missing a beat. He leaned against the doorframe with his arms folded over his chest and it didn’t seem like he was about to follow you any further. “After that... incident with my father, your parents tried to help him, although it didn't work. But whenever we were there, you tried to cheer me up. Sometimes I think you were my only real friend at the time.”

Then suddenly the scene changed and you found yourself in a memory from not long ago. He was in your room in the middle of the night, reading a book with a flashlight in his mouth while you slept with your head in his lap. Did he really have a separate room for these memories alone? “I know we've been talking quite a lot lately, but considering we hadn't been very close for long years, I didn't think you valued our friendship this much,” you muttered quietly while the scene changed once again.

Behind you Kakashi awkwardly cleared his throat. “Uhm, yeah, right, our friendship.” You couldn’t recall ever seeing him be awkward around you so this unusual reaction immediately made you turn around with a questioning look on your face. “I'm just not sure if what I truly value can be called that.”

“Why?”

“It doesn't matter.”

“Hey, don't be so cryptic. You know I can find the answer here whether you like it or not,” you warned him.

But when you tried to leave the room, he simply extended his arm to grab the other side of the doorframe in order to block your way out. For long seconds he didn’t say anything, only watched you with a seemingly neutral expression. “You're more than a friend to me. But... it just doesn't feel like I'm ready for anything else. Maybe in a few years. I don't really know to be honest.”

You didn’t know what to say. This was uncharted territory not only for you, but for him as well apparently. And you knew he was right about not being ready for something like this. So you nodded then walked out of the room under his arm, determined to find the room you came to look for in the first place. Soon you heard his footsteps from behind you but you didn’t turn around because you assumed it would be the best if you just avoided the topic for now.

“I ruined everything, didn't I?” he suddenly asked, surprising you with this question.

“What? No. I can see you're uncomfortable and I don't want to push you,” you explained with a kind smile before you came to a halt in front of a room. You could hear the crackling sound of his Chidori from inside and the air was heavy from the feeling of anxiety you’d felt before at other parts of this place. “This is the room I'm looking for, right?”

* * *

_Note: The reader in this story has an ability that’s pretty useful in the Torture and Interrogation Force...  
_


	2. World's On Fire

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Recommended song: Mike Shinoda – World’s On Fire.

_As he let out a deep growl, Kakashi threw a kunai at a nearby tree. “Can you stop complaining?” he asked once he turned to you._

_Even though a part of him immediately regretted saying this and expected you to be mad at him, you simply rolled your eyes at him. “It’s the middle of the night and if it wasn’t for the goodness of my heart, I’d be sleeping in my bed like a baby right now.” You stretched your arms above your head and went on. “But no, I decided to stay awake because you couldn’t sleep and didn’t want to be alone.”_

_“Well, you didn’t_ have to _come here.” He walked over to the tree to get his weapon as he spoke, making sure you didn’t see the annoyed look he probably had on his face now. “All I did was asking if you’d like to join me or not.”_

_“In this case, I can leave and go home to sleep then.”_

_“No, don’t!” These words left Kakashi’s mouth instinctively while he turned around. He didn’t want you to leave. “I’m…” Sure, he was a bit mad at you for making it so clear that you were tired and bored, but he didn’t want you to go. “I mean since you’re already here…” He needed you to stay because he didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. “Look, if you want to sleep…”_

_Where the hell was he going with this? But he wasn’t the only one wondering about this as it turned out. “You don’t make much sense now,” you pointed out._

_Tightening his grip around the handle of his kunai, he let out a frustrated groan. “I know, but I’m not used to this. What I’m trying to say is, maybe you should come over to my place for the rest of the night.” He heard a strange noise coming from your direction so he turned to you, only to notice the shocked look on your face. Oh, right, this probably came out wrong. “I mean, you would get some sleep and at least I wouldn’t be alone.”_

_“What exactly are you not used to?” you asked as you walked over to him._

_“Asking for help and admitting that I need it.” The curious look in your eyes was quickly replaced by a disapproving one. Kakashi couldn’t help but let out another groan. “Don’t give me this look. As a member of the ANBU, I can’t… show such a weakness.”_

_You opened your mouth to say something, but in the end, you remained silent. As long seconds passed, he couldn’t decide if it was a good or a bad sign. Knowing you, it was probably bad. But you surprised him by pulling him into a tight hug. “It’s not a weakness, especially if you’re trying to do something about it. And we’re friends, aren’t we? It’s basically teamwork.”_

_“It’s not.”_

_“It is,” you said, playfully punching his chest as you let him go and pulled away. “Now let’s go, otherwise I’m gonna fall asleep right here and you’ll have to carry me.”_

_Even though you began to walk away, Kakashi didn’t move. He was so used to always being alone and relying on himself that now he found it hard to believe that someone was ready to be there for him. Sure, he had learned the importance of teamwork the hard way, but this was different. And a good kind of different for a change._

* * *

Kakashi couldn’t stop thinking about this night while you worked on locking away the painful memory of Rin’s death for good. Two years had passed since then but the two of you still spent a lot of nights together like this. No wonder he cherished these memories so much: you were one of the very few people that kept him sane. Well, no, this wasn’t true. You were the only one these days.

A tap on his shoulder snapped him out of his thoughts. “Are you okay?” you asked with a worried look on your face.

“Is it gone?”

“No,” you admitted as you shook your head, “but at least it won’t stop you mid-attack.”

Letting out a sigh, he folded his arms over his chest. He didn’t like where this was going. “And what about the nightmares?”

“They won’t be that intense from now on.”

“I thought you would lock it away so I could finally forget it,” he said angrily. Yes, he was angry. This wasn’t the deal. He asked you to lock this memory away so he wouldn’t have to deal with it anymore.

But when you spoke up, it seemed like you didn’t even notice his anger because your voice was calm and kind as usual. “Whether they’re good or bad, your memories make you who you are.”

At first, he wanted to yell, telling you this was stupid. But then… It made sense in a way. His father’s suicide had made him realize that following the rules and orders like a good boy would protect him from making the same mistakes and ending up like him. Obito’s, and then later Rin’s death taught him that friends and teammates didn’t make you weak, they made you stronger. And in his own way Minato became some sort of a father figure before his death.

Now that he thought about it, you did the right thing and he was grateful. Even if this memory wasn’t completely gone, at least it wouldn’t keep tormenting him with the same intensity.

But then he noticed that something was missing: the sound of his Chidori. “I was so used to hearing that sound all the time that now this silence makes me uneasy, to be honest,” he admitted as he looked at the door over your shoulder.

“You’ll get used to this too.”

“Can I ask for one more favor?” he suddenly asked, giving you a questioning look.

Without missing a beat, you nodded. “You don’t have to ask, just tell me what you need and I’ll do it.” How could you be so sure about this? How could you possibly know he wouldn’t ask for something you would never do? But then you flashed a reassuring smile at him and said, “Come on, what is it?”

“Do you know how to set up booby traps and safe words?” He knew you knew how to do these things, but he had to be sure you were confident about this knowledge. The fact he had faith in you didn’t mean you felt the same way about yourself. Then you nodded and waited patiently for him to go on. “I want to make sure I won’t hurt you the way I hurt Rin,” he admitted after gulping loudly.

“But what makes you think this would ever happen? You’ve been training with me for a while and you always go easy on me so you wouldn’t accidentally hurt me.”

Kakashi let out a frustrated sigh and put his hands on the back of his neck. “I didn’t want to kill Rin either and look at what happened,” he told you bitterly, earning a worried look in response. “I just… don’t want to risk losing you too. Please, Y/N, help me.”

You didn’t say anything. You didn’t even move. As usual, this immediately sent his brain into overdrive and he began to overthink the situation. Did you think he was weak? Or pathetic? Did you hate him now? What the hell were you thinking about? But then his train of thought was interrupted by your body colliding with his. He had no idea how to react at first, but then he wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you closer as he rested his chin on top of your head.

“I will always help you, idiot,” you murmured against his chest. “Just promise you won’t shut me out.”

“I’ll try.”

“Alright, leave me alone, I have to focus,” you said with a laugh as you stepped away.

“Wait.” As he looked down at you, he wondered if he should do what he was planning to do. This could ruin everything. He had been the one talking about his feelings for you, but it was also him who pointed out he wasn’t ready yet. Would you hate him if he did this? Finally, he shook his head to get rid of these thoughts and kissed you. He’s been thinking about this for a while but reality was a lot different. A lot better. And he wished he could give in to his feelings. But he couldn’t so he cleared his throat and said, “It would be for the best if this stayed between us.”

To his surprise, you watched him with a dreamy smile on your lips. “As you wish, just tell me when you’re finally ready.”


End file.
